Daddy Gets the Boogers
One thing nobody tells you about being a parent before you have kids is how much of the job can be categorized as “removal” – either things from your kids or your kids from things. The idea that I had to intentionally go into my kid’s nose and remove a booger seemed odd at first,Continue reading “Daddy Gets the Boogers”
I Don’t Want to Teach My Kids. I Want to Educate Them
One of the thoughts I’ve consistently had over the last few years has been “at least my kid’s too little to realize what’s going on.” During the pandemic stay at home orders, they knew they weren’t going to school or daycare anymore but didn’t really ask why, or really even care. The reason for theContinue reading “I Don’t Want to Teach My Kids. I Want to Educate Them”
Puffy the Farting Unicorn: A Christmas Miracle
My two year-old daughter is just at the age where she kind of understands the concept of Christmas, is as much as she knows the players involved – Santa, Jesus, Rudolph, Frosty. She also kind of understood that you can ask for something you want, and if you are good you might get it. Naturally,Continue reading “Puffy the Farting Unicorn: A Christmas Miracle”
Harry Chapin Makes Me Feel Bad
As I have mentioned before, balancing work life and home life when you work from home poses challenges that didn’t exist when I was working from an office. Last Friday all three of our kids were home – no pre-school and no daycare – and I was home with them for half of the dayContinue reading “Harry Chapin Makes Me Feel Bad”
My Kids Are Better Than Me At Something
Throughout the course of a parent’s life, their children surpass them at various things. I knew this was coming. I know at some point my kids will run faster than I can, or play a game better than I can. I am sure that I, like any parent who is not also a teacher, willContinue reading “My Kids Are Better Than Me At Something”
Cowboys and Muppets: Lullabies of Choice
When my oldest daughter was a baby, we tried all the things to see what worked to calm her down and get her to fall asleep. Some of them to our own detriment. Though video clips on YouTube calm them down, they are the toddler equivilent of crack. We seriously had to ween her offContinue reading “Cowboys and Muppets: Lullabies of Choice”
An Awareness of Genitals
After our first two kids were girls, my wife and I agreed that when it came to anything related to their anatomy “ask your Mom” would be a totally acceptable answer on my part. I would take the kids when they throw up, she would take them when they had questions about their lady parts.Continue reading “An Awareness of Genitals”
Boss Is a Four Letter Word
I like to think my kids don’t have the capacity for hate. Surely these sweet little people can’t have a mean still-developing bone in their bodies. I know there are things they dislike – spicy food, baths, sitting still long enough to play a game – but I didn’t think they could hate. However, thereContinue reading “Boss Is a Four Letter Word”
Official Ranking of Holidays for Parents
The holiday season is just around the corner, and as I start looking forward to the things I’ll do with and for my kids, it got me thinking about how you approach the holidays differently with kids. Mostly there is less, or at least more discreet, drinking involved. (All manner of booze can be enjoyedContinue reading “Official Ranking of Holidays for Parents”
Reintroducing My Kids Shopping
Back when I took my kids places, I think my kids were pretty well behaved. At least as well behaved as toddlers can be. Did I have to walk back into a restaurant to retrieve a shoe? Yes. Did I ever have to drag a screaming kid out of a store? No. Did childless peopleContinue reading “Reintroducing My Kids Shopping”
Hot Dogs Are To Be Bitten
A great thing about kids is their innocense and goofyness. They say and do pretty much whatever without much awareness of what they are doing, and therefore have not yet developed a sence of what should be embarassing. In a way, it is wonderful. They do their thing in their own world and don’t careContinue reading “Hot Dogs Are To Be Bitten”
Fighting Dad Stereotypes: Dad Clothes
In my ongoing attempt to address harmful Dad stereotypes head on, I next take on the issue of dressing like a Dad. Close your eyes and picture what a Dad wears. What do you see? A t-shirt – it’s probably from a vacation destination. Could be from a civil war battlefield, might just say Arizona.Continue reading “Fighting Dad Stereotypes: Dad Clothes”
Summer is Officially Over. Good.
However you choose to mark the end of summer, mark it. Kids are back in school (virtual or otherwise), Labor Day weekend has past, and the weather is cooling off. For some this change of the season comes with a sense of melancholy. They are closing their pools, packing up their cottages, and already longingContinue reading “Summer is Officially Over. Good.”
I Must Protect This House. And These Garbage Cans.
So there I was working from home, sitting in my basement on a Slack call when I hear a sustained car horn – at least a solid four seconds of honk – followed by three or four muffled sounding booms. I’m intrigued. My house is on a corner, so my first thought is car accident.Continue reading “I Must Protect This House. And These Garbage Cans.”
Time Is a Traveler
Maybe it is part of being older, or maybe it is part of being a parent, but the value of my time is something I think about more now than I did a few years ago. Actually, I don’t think value is the right word – you can’t put a price tag on time, andContinue reading “Time Is a Traveler”
The Best Disney Dad Is Not Mufasa
Previously, I shared my thoughts on the who the worst father in Disney movies was, and I was asked who I thought the best Disney dad was. Like many of my generation, the first one that came to mind was Mufasa. The voice, the death, a very iconic character to be sure. However, the moreContinue reading “The Best Disney Dad Is Not Mufasa”
Balancing Work and Home Life When You Work From Home
Opinions and politics aside, nothing is normal about living through this pandemic. What used to be a typical day at the office has been replaced by an atypical day at home. I have been able to continue working without a layoff or hours reduction, and I know I am lucky because of that. However, thisContinue reading “Balancing Work and Home Life When You Work From Home”
Babies Are Full of Spit
A baby’s body is made up of 47% undigested milk. That is a science fact. Probably. It boggles my mind how a baby can can spit up what seems like more than they ate. Babies spit, I get that, but I also understand basic math. It really ought to be impossible for a baby toContinue reading “Babies Are Full of Spit”
Raising Kids as a Detroit Sports Fan
It’s baseball season (or at least something resembling baseball season), and I can do something that feels like a right of passage – watch baseball with my kids. So far my kids exposure to me watching sports has been last year’s March Madness and football season. I don’t watch hardly as much sports as IContinue reading “Raising Kids as a Detroit Sports Fan”
Fighting Dad Stereotypes: Lawn Care
In the current social climate, it is more important than ever to call out stereotypes and address them head on. I know we’ve all seen the memes and spoof YouTube videos. The dopey dad with a pair of grass-stained New Balance obsessing over his lawn mower and prioritizing his lawn over all else. Even inContinue reading “Fighting Dad Stereotypes: Lawn Care”
Blame It On the Easter Bunny
There we stood, my daughtors and I looking at the lines of marker on the couch. I knew who did it. They knew who did it. And yet we stood looking at it, waiting for the guilty party to admit to it. My kids are still generally amazed when Mom or Dad knows exactly whoContinue reading “Blame It On the Easter Bunny”
The Worst Disney Dad: Maurice
Before I had kids I had seen a lot of Disney animated movies. Now that I have kids, I have seen almost all of them. Multiple times. I never watched Beauty and the Beast growing up because it was girl movie. I could probably recite the whole thing by now. One thing I’ve noticed, andContinue reading “The Worst Disney Dad: Maurice”
Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Like You
It has been a while since I’ve written anything new. Partly because time has been scarce with a newborn, but partly because I didn’t want to write about what kept popping into my head. I didn’t (and still don’t) want this to be about advice to parents or judgement of how other people parent, andContinue reading “Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Like You”
Children’s Movies: So Much Death
The other day I came upstairs from the basement and could hear the kids were watching a movie. As I got close enough to hear what was going on, I could hear the frightened, desperate plea of a character – “I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!” I trust my wife’s judgementContinue reading “Children’s Movies: So Much Death”
This Pretend Restaurant Is Terrible
When my kids make pretend food, most of it is pretty silly. The pizza has gummy bears, almost everything has chocolate chips, and their milk or water is often coffee. Where these eating habits have been modeled for them is a discussion for another time. My two-year-old was playing with some toy ice cream andContinue reading “This Pretend Restaurant Is Terrible”
Don’t Waffle On Discipline
I thought I had such a good idea for a punishment. I was ready to stick to my guns, to settle in for a long battle. I underestimated how many waffles my daughter can eat. Like most weekend mornings, we made waffles for breakfast yesterday. Apple cinnamon don’t ya know. The two older kids eachContinue reading “Don’t Waffle On Discipline”
My Daughter Hates Pants
It is interesting to see what traits of yours show up in your kids. Will they have blue eyes? Will they like mushrooms? Will they like sports? Things like eye color you find out pretty quickly, while others take years. As soon as my daughter turned two she started taking after me in her hatredContinue reading “My Daughter Hates Pants”
Having a Baby During the Coronavirus Pandemic
If you were able to pick the best time to have a baby, during a major public health crisis would not be at the top of the list. Higher than while being in high school maybe, but definitely in the bottom three. This wasn’t something we could have planned for nine months ago, and asContinue reading “Having a Baby During the Coronavirus Pandemic”
When the Water Breaks
There are some situations in life when you really have no idea how you’ll react until it happens. Most of these are extremely imaginary. What would I do if I won the lotto? How would I survive a zombie apocalypse? What If I actually did turn this car around right now? One of them isContinue reading “When the Water Breaks”
Forrest Gump as a Bedtime Story
Recently my daughter has added asking to be told a story to her bedtime routine. She wants one each from me and my wife. At first I wasn’t sure how I’d come up with different stories every night, but then I borrowed a strategy from a friend of mine. He mentioned that he has beenContinue reading “Forrest Gump as a Bedtime Story”
Their Smiling Little Faces are Everywhere
For the last week and half I’ve been working from home. Luckily, my job can be done anywhere with WiFi, so in terms of my work only the scenery has changed. I went from a nice ergonomic desk in a nice new office to an old table in my basement. But hey, at least thereContinue reading “Their Smiling Little Faces are Everywhere”
Cracks in the Sidewalk: A Child’s Natural Predator
Since the dawn of pavement, there has been no greater threat to small children than any gap or crack in a sidewalk. Unofficial studies show that these relatively minor and completely avoidable obstructions cause roughly 105% of all skinned knees. All they do is ruin things. Once joyful walks get reduced to tearful treks home.Continue reading “Cracks in the Sidewalk: A Child’s Natural Predator”
What Everybody Should Be When They Grow Up
It’s fun to think about what kinds of people your kids will be when they grow up, and not just what they will do for a living. Sure, the first time my daughter picked up a ball and threw it across the room on a perfect line right to my chest I immediately thought professionalContinue reading “What Everybody Should Be When They Grow Up”
Dad Rock: An Appreciation of Bruce Springsteen
Full disclosure – at almost no point in my life did I listen to music that was currently popular. Outside of a few exceptions like MC Hammer when I was 6 and the Foo Fighters in my late teens/early twenties, the majority of the music I listen has always been at least 20 years oldContinue reading “Dad Rock: An Appreciation of Bruce Springsteen”
The Greatest Punishment of All Time
Today my daughter threw a piece of burrito at me. She was promptly sent to her room. Her initial reaction was fear, she doesn’t like it when Dad gets mad. Then disbelief, as if being sent to her room was a completely unexpected result of throwing a semi-chewed piece of tortilla at one’s father. WhenContinue reading “The Greatest Punishment of All Time”
How Will My Future Kids Mock Present Me?
The other day I was looking at a picture of me and my kids and my first thought was, “That’s a good picture, we look really nice.” My second thought was, “How will this picture age?” Despite how good I think we look in it now, I am sure there will come a time weContinue reading “How Will My Future Kids Mock Present Me?”
Seeing a Butt: A Parenting Milestone
I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon. Three years old just seems so young. I figured things like this happen more in the 5th or 6th grade at earliest. Alas, a threshold has been crossed and life will never be the same again. My daughter saw aContinue reading “Seeing a Butt: A Parenting Milestone”
Daddy Daughter Dance: A Tragedy in Three Acts
All week I was telling Lucy, my three-year-old, that we’d be going on a special Lucy Daddy Date, a Daddy Daughter Dance at her school. We were looking forward to it for days, and when the day arrived we both just wanted it to be over. Act I: Tears Her dress was picked out. AContinue reading “Daddy Daughter Dance: A Tragedy in Three Acts”
The Morning Routine Includes Frostbite
Getting out the door on time in the morning doesn’t happen on its own. Little people must be hurried along. Every step of the process needs to be asked for at least five times before I end up doing it anyway. We need to leave the house on time to get to the little one’sContinue reading “The Morning Routine Includes Frostbite”
Baby Bumps Are Weird
My wife is currently 7ish months pregnant with our third child. Several times a day I am prompted to look at the baby kick here or there, wiggle this way or that, or just see how generally lumpy he’s making my wife’s stomach. Having been through this twice before now, the novelty has worn off,Continue reading “Baby Bumps Are Weird”
The Manliest Parker I’ve Ever Seen
I’ve never been so thoroughly impressed and intimidated by another man as I was when I saw a man park. I was dropping my daughter off at pre-school like I do almost every morning. I pulled into the drop-off parking lot and I pulled into a spot just like every other car in the parkingContinue reading “The Manliest Parker I’ve Ever Seen”
How To Use Your Kids to Get Free Pancakes
With a three-year-old and an almost two-year-old, going out to eat is pretty much never a relaxing time for me and my wife. It is more about entertaining than eating. Even if the restaurant is very kid friendly and has crayons and a menu they can color, that buys about 5 minutes until all theContinue reading “How To Use Your Kids to Get Free Pancakes”
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