A Dad at Disney World: Lessons and Observations

Ever since our kids took an interest in Disney movies, my wife and I have been excited to take them to Disney World. In between an easy drive there and a painful drive back, we spent a week at The Happiest Place on Earth. I had gone as a kid myself, and as a kid-less adult, but but this would by my first time going as a dad. There were differences. Some good, some not so good. Here’s a few things that stood out to me.

Strollers: Lifesaver or Pain?

When we first decided to go, I didn’t plan on taking a stroller. My kids are seven, five, and three. I thought my seven year-old daughter should be able to walk the whole time, my five year-old daughter should be able to walk most of the time, and my three year-old son should be able to walk some of the time. I would be ok with giving them shoulder rides or piggy back rides the times they needed a break. I get it, it’s a lot of walking, but they run around all day, surely walking is easier than running, skipping, dancing, hopping and all the other ways they get from here to there, right?

Well, my wife made the good case that a stroller would be helpful so that at least one kid at a time could take a rest while we still make our way through the parks, and it gives us a place to store our stuff – snacks, water bottles, sweatshirts, etc. In that aspect, it was very handy. However, it also gave the kids something to beg for and fight about.

Once they knew that they had the option to ride in the stroller rather than walk, they wanted it. I think if they never had the option in the first place, would they have asked just as much to be picked up, or would they have just walked? I guarantee they would have begged just as much to be picked up. I know this because even though we had the stroller for them to take turns in, whoever wasn’t in the stroller at the moment was begging to be picked up. Bringing the stroller avoided absolutely zero complaining. If they weren’t complaining about how it should be their turn, they were complaining that it was unfair that their turn was too short, or they were complaining that they wanted up if they couldn’t be in the stroller. It was lose-lose.

The major pros of bringing the stroller was storage and a mechanism to create a gap in a crowd. Just a guy walking down the crowded street and you’ve gotta cram your way between people. Guy pushing a stroller with a kid in it comes down a crowded street and people move over lest they get their toes run over.

Shopping for Souvenirs: A Crash Course in Economics

Before we left, we got a $50 gift card for each kid to use to buy themselves souvenirs. Whatever they wanted to pick out (within reason) was fair game as long it fit their budget. Lucy, my seven year-old, has developed a concept for money and value since she started getting an allowance. She knows how much money she has, but is still developing an understanding of what things cost. More specifically, the difference between something that is expensive and something that isn’t. For example, she assumed the Fairfield Inn we stayed at on the way to Disney World was a better and more expensive hotel than the on-property resort we stayed at once we got there, because the room was bigger and it had a continental breakfast. Lobby waffles do not an expensive hotel make.

On our first day there we went to the World of Disney store, which had everything they could have ever asked for, and more. So naturally they all said they wanted the first thing they saw. We told them to think about it, we’ll take a picture of it, and if in three days you still really want it, we’ll come back and get it. From that moment on, Lucy was keenly aware of all the different number combinations that add up to 50. She was adding values in her head faster than I can. If she doesn’t get an A in math I’m going to recommend adding souvenir shopping be added to the curriculum.

After three days and trips in and out of many stores, she had what she wanted picked out to the penny. She came to very seriously, and let me know that she was $1 over, and asked if she could borrow a dollar. Yeah kid, the last dollar (and really the first 50) is on me. Clearly she hadn’t covered sales tax in math class yet, but I wasn’t going to ruin the moment.

While Lucy learned to check price tags, my wife and I forgot. When Evie, our five year-old, picked out what she wanted we just said sure. When we got to the checkout we discovered she was $20 over budget. Way too late now to tell her change her mind or put something back, so she came out ahead on that one. Though, to be fair, the cost of what she ate on the trip was by far the lowest. The benefits of being a cheap date I suppose. But if she ate more than a single slice of cheese pizza for dinner, we’d have put one of her stuffies back for sure.

Brooks, my three year-old, has absolutely no concept of money. Do you buy things with money or trade hugs? Who’s to say? He’s also the easiest to manipulate into choices – “Buddy, don’t you really want this?!” Of course he does! However, one running theme of the trip was his newfound love of Pluto. As soon as he saw the shelf of stuffed Plutos, his little mind was made up. Which is fine, it still left him some wiggle room in his budget, which of course we once again miscalculated. No worries, he to was on the single slice of cheese pizza diet.

Is it hard to stick to a pre-determined budget? Yes. Are things there overpriced? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Debatable. I know money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy a stuffed Pluto. And if this isn’t happiness, then I don’t know what it.

Hills and Splashes: A Child’s Worst Fears

We knew going into it that some rides just weren’t going to happen, either do to lack of interest or lack of height. I had no expectations of the kids riding Space Mountain, the new Tron coaster, Mission to Mars, Test Track, or generally anything without songs that goes fast, goes in the dark, or goes fast in the dark. I did not, however, anticipate such fear of getting lightly splashed.

The first ride we did was also the first ride to be ruined by a mild amount of moisture. On the Ratatouille ride, the imagineers created a very immersive experience in which you go through a kitchen from the perspective of a rat. At one point somebody is mopping the floor and the mop gets flung in your direction, sending a light spay in your face. For some, a fun appeal to the senses that further adds to the experience. For a small child – a ride ruiner. I get it. Getting wet when you don’t want to be is a bad time. I’ve very anti-water balloon for that reason. But while I can accept it as part of the ride, Brooks couldn’t get over it.

A similar experience would get the Pirates of the Caribbean off to a rough start. In the mildly quick drop that starts the boat ride and sends a small splash up in the air, some spray ends up going in the boat. Some of that spray ended upon on son. Combo that with a downhill drop, and he wasn’t having it. Catchy song be damned, him enjoying that ride never stood a chance. He would later say that he didn’t like the ride because the pirates had creepy eyes, but I’m convinced the tone was set when he got a few drops on him that he didn’t want.

For some of the rides, they got some exposure to them ahead of time. I have some Little Golden Books about Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, It’s a Small World, and Imagination (Figment). In the case of Pirates and The Haunted Mansion, they really came in handy. We suspected those may be too scary at parts for the little ones, so it was good to show it to them as fun books first. I think it really helped, especially for The Haunted Mansion. However, there is no book that can prepare a kid for a roller coaster. I knew Space Mountain wasn’t going to happen, but I never would have guessed that Big Thunder Mountain would be so terrifying.

To be fair to my kids, they have never been on a roller coaster before, or even the crappy little rides at fairs. Not that Big Thunder Mountain is very big or very fast compared to other rides out there, but when it is a kid’s very first experience, it might as well be a rocket ship to Mars.

I sat in one seat with Lucy, my wife sat in the row behind us with the younger two. Lucy really enjoyed it. I know she was scared too, but it was the fun mix of excited and scared that makes roller coaster fun. She screamed, she giggled, she had a blast. The scene that unfolded behind us was much different. From the first drop and the first quick turn, there were screams and tears. Every time I glanced back it got worse. By the end of the ride the two were huddled together, arms around each other, and my wife’s arms around were both of them. They didn’t look so much like they were riding a small-ish roller coaster as they were going down aboard the Titanic trapped in steerage. I did hear some laughter coming from behind. From my wife. Who found the abject terror our children were experiencing hilarious.

After they tearfully stumbled their way off the ride and into my arms, it took a solid five minutes and a snack to get them to calm down. For the rest of the trip, before we got on anything my son would ask me if it had any hills or splashes.

“No buddy, the monorail does not have any hills or splashes.”

His favorite rides by far were Its a Small World and the Tomorrowland People Mover. I suppose there is something to be said about slow and steady.

We’re All In This Together

I remember going to Disney World with my wife before we had kids and casually walking past parents scolding their children, or pretending I didn’t see the kid flailing around on the floor of the candy store throwing a tantrum. At the time, I couldn’t understand how a kid could manage to get so upset at Disney World. My perspective is much different now. But the good thing is, I still noticed all those same things and it was nice to see other parents in the same boat (with hopefully no splashes).

While adults have the mental capacity to realize they are on vacation and adjust their behavior, kids can’t. The same stupid crap that gets them upset at home is the same stupid crap that will set off a tantrum in line for Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin. Which is where my son up and punched me in the bean bag because…well, who knows? Kids are going to freak out because they are over stimulated, because they are tired of waiting in line, because their bedtime hasn’t existed in four days, because they had too much ice cream, because you told them no, you can’t have more ice cream, because they dropped their ice cream (basically ice cream = freak out), and a hundred other reasons. They care not that they are in the middle of a magical vacation. My kids, your kids, all the kids. For a parent, there is comforting solidarity in it.

If anything, the perfectly behaved child is the outlier. For example, while waiting in line to meet Tiana and Rapunzel, Brooks fell down and skinned his knee. How one manages to fall down with enough force to draw blood while standing in line, I do not know, but it happened. Naturally, we were completely unprepared. The wipes and band-aids were in the stroller parked somewhere by the carousel. Side note: if you think it’s easy to forget where you parked your car at the store, try remembering where you parked your stroller at Disney World. Anyway, scooped up the boy and stayed in line while my wife went out to get our stuff.

While I stood there trying to calm down my son who was crying like he just got off a roller coaster that also spritzed him in the face, a lovely (and incredibly well prepared) mother who was in line behind us gave me a wet wipe and a band-aid that she had. On top of that, her daughter (who was probably 5 or so) gave my son one of her snacks to help calm him down and “make him happy.” I guess if there is a good place for your kid to meltdown, it’s in front of the nicest people in the Magic Kingdom. With such a display of kindness, I couldn’t help but think that there is a zero percent chance my kids would have done the same. I can only hope that at some point in her trip, that sweet little girl lost her mind over the fact that her mom got her a Little Mermaid bubble wand when she really wanted a Cinderella.

So going with kids was a completely different vacation experience than going without. Really, it felt like it was their vacation and I was just invited along to carry things and pay for things. But that’s ok. That’s probably about what 50% of parenting is anyway, so I might as well do it while Mickey Mouse comes to my table while I eat my non-lobby waffles. Much like Christmas with kids, the best part now is watching them experience it. And meeting Jack Sparrow.