While writing fiction is not my sweet spot, I do have something of a soft spot for it. I’m pretty sure anybody who has ever put pen to paper has had at least some small aspiration to write the next Great American Novel, and I’ve always wanted to write a screen play. While I’ve not yet started a novel, I have worked on some short fiction from time to time. I recently entered a story into a local competition, and while it wasn’t selected as a finalist by the judges, I want to get it out there for be the people.

Isn’t the people who writing should really be for any? Any creation should never be made for the critics. Though I did get some positive feedback from one of the judges – “What a gift you have for writing! Your story is funny, sort of sad, snappy, and just a good time!…I was really enjoying reading it when I hit the cheese section and couldn’t stop laughing. Brava!”

That’s right folks, come for the short-form fiction, stay for the cheese puns. Safe to the say the other judges don’t share my sense of humor. Anyway, I present to you my story – enjoy.

Scenes from a Private School Pick-Up Line

The only other place I’d see so many white luxury SUVs in one place is a dealership lot. Come to find out, the official vehicle of the at least moderately affluent suburban mom is a white GMC Yukon Denali. Or Chevy Suburban. Or Grand Wagoneer. It seems the make and model can change, but the color is a must. Red SUVs are for the nouveau riche. Black SUVs are for the common rabble. I’ve yet to see a car with a piece rusted off or one door that is a different color than the others. I suspect I never will. Silver minivans are society’s lowest common denominator. Some drive them out of necessity, some in a millionaire next door kind of way. My van is necessary.

As is my child’s attendance at private pre-school. Two working parents require a five days-a-week, all day childcare option. Just my luck it also happens to be the most expensive option in town. I try not to think about working only to pay for somebody to take care of my child while I’m working. The math only makes sense if you don’t think about it. The school does offer financial aid, but we don’t qualify. We make too much money. Maybe one of us should quit our jobs after all? I get the feeling that not all the other parents in the pick-up line made the decision to send their kid here based on the same determining factors. This is a tradition crowd. A downright legacy crowd. They look forward to thirteen more years of an exclusively priced education. I’m counting down the days of working to pay more for preschool than I do for my mortgage. Their interest is compounding, my interests are confounding.

I can’t help but notice the other parents here match their vehicles. White suburban luxury. A women whose athleisure wardrobe implies that she came right from yoga class but hair and nails that indicate she came right from the salon to pick up her equally Lululemon-clad children. I get the sense that her life is more leisure than ath. The children are active, of course. Travel baseball, hockey, lacrosse, competitive cheer, a mix of anything that requires expensive equipment and league fees. Though what are league fees when the team is sponsored by the business one of the parents owns? A tax write off, that’s what. Junior gets a new uniform and senior gets a loophole. 

Sometimes I’ll catch parts of conversations between another parent and whoever is on the other end of their newest iPhone.

“I reserved a boat for the Bahamas.” Of course she did.
“Grandpa is going to meet us at the club for dinner later.” That sounds lovely.
“No, we won’t be home. We’re going to the cabin this weekend.” Why wouldn’t you?

Occasionally there is a woman who pulls up in a Mercedes Benz G Wagon. In the nicest possible way, I hope our kids don’t end up becoming friends. I don’t think I could take it. I am sure she is a very nice person, which actually makes it worse. It would be much easier to be ok with feeling out of place if the place was filled with careless people. However, I get the sense that these people actually care a great deal. Except for maybe the guy who drives a Cybertruck. I have to assume he is the actual worst. The rest of these people donate to charities and they sit on boards of non-profits. I bet they even respond to the school’s requests for donations with checks, where as I respond with wondering why they are asking for more money if I already pay tuition. First they eat my lunch then they ask me if I’m going to finish my crumbs. Perhaps that is why I’ll never have a library or gym named after me.

It isn’t all white suburban moms in white Suburbans, there are a few dads sprinkled in. Taking time to pick up their kids as their commitments to mastering the universe allows. There is a father who is always in a suit, but somehow never looks out of place. He belongs, and he belongs in a suit. He stands out from the other fathers, most of whom are in the unofficial uniform of the backbone of suburbia – a corporate logo emblazoned polo shirt, uncomfortable looking khakis, and expensive looking shoes. The modern man’s gray flannel suit. In addition to a cabin near a lake somewhere, these men possess a certain everyman quality. They barbeque and they drink in their backyards, it is just that they grill grass-fed steaks and drink expensive bourbon. Though to maintain their relatability, they’ll tell you they didn’t actually buy the steaks. The steaks were a corporate gift from one of their company’s vendors. Logo polo men take care of their own.

If the American public school system is a melting pot, private school is a fondue pot. A carefully curated, artisanally crafted, and delicately blended flavor. Organic goat cheese folded in with aged cheddar. French brie melted together with Swiss emmentaler. Queso blanco adds a little excitement to the palate. Afterall, they do have a Spanish immersion program. However, this is no place for a Kraft single.

And what am I? A block of store-brand cheese, sliced and placed out before company arrives so the wrapper can be discarded and its origin obscured. The best I can do is try to present the best I can, but my kid’s hand-me-down pants that are at least an inch too short and visibly worn through in the knees give us away. Now I feel more like a hardened rind left behind after the best part has been grated away.

Watching the kids bounce out of school into their lines waiting to be picked up does bring me hope. They are all mostly the same. Little bodies filled with energy and cheeks filled with pudge. The other little kids don’t seem to care that the threads of my kid’s pants are hanging on for dear life, or that we’ll head home in a vehicle that doesn’t have any HD screens inside. Maybe my kid actually belongs here. Maybe my kid will exist inside their sphere of influence, even if I never will. When my kid stands among their classmates, they stand with friends. When I stand among their parents, I stand alone.

Oh look, a Porsche

I think I may have under-estimated my kids. One thing I (and probably a lot of parents) worry about when their kids to go school, is if and how they’ll make friends. Or even worse, if they’ll get picked on. Much to my delight, it seems my kids have had no problem making friends. Whenever I see my kids around other kids, its been a pretty limited and un-natural sample of birthday parties and organized play dates. However, after seeing them in a more natual setting at some school events I now have to ask myself – are my kids popular?

My son Brooks is in pre-school, and they had a “donuts with dad” breakfast. Walking into his school with him felt like I was walking into Cheers with Norm. As soon as we entered the building teachers and other people who worked at the school were thrilled to see him. Which I get, he’s a neat little guy. But these weren’t even his teachers. Pretty sure at no point in my academic career did any teacher who wasn’t my own give me any kind of enthusiastic greeting, or even know my name for that matter. My other brother had a few teachers before I had them, so at most I got a few “Mr. Kose” acknowlegements because they knew we were related, but my son walks down the hall and is getting high-fives all the way like its a basketball team intoduction. “At 3 feet, 6 inches, from NorthPointe Pre-School 4’s – at power forward it’s Brooooooooooooooks!!!!”

Recognition from teachers is one thing, but of course popularity comes from recognition of your peers. The other day while I was picking him up, a little girl ran up and gave him a hug and said bye. If that’s not the definition of popularity, then I don’t know what is.

The same holds true for my daughters. Just this morning while I was dropping them off at school a girl ran up and gave my daughter a hug with an enthusiastic “Hi hi hi!” (Not a typo, there where that many hi’s.) My daughter was neither caught off guard nor taken aback by this up close and personal greeting on a random Wednesday morning. As if it wasn’t actually random at all, but a normal occurrence. I don’t think I’ve ever been greeted with that kind of warmth and enthusiasm by a friend on my birthday, let alone your run of mill weekday. Honestly, if I was I would probably be weirded out by it. But my daughter was not weirded. It was like getting hugged by your peers upon arrival at school was the most natural thing in the world.

I didn’t know that girl, maybe she’s just a hugger, but I do know my girl. Not to say that my girl isn’t the most huggable kid in the world. I give her plenty. But if I wasn’t her dad I don’t think I’d feel compelled to greet her when she entered school with a warm embrace and multiple greetings. I mean, she’s nice, but she’s not Dolly Parton.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen this though. Every time I pick up or drop off my kids it seems like somebody is coming over to give them a hug or shouting hi or bye at them from across the parking lot, as if their school day wasn’t complete until the departure of my child is acknowledged. I get that kids are generally much more open and friendly than grown ups, but even for kids this feels a little excessive, does it not? I don’t ever remember anybody going out of their way to greet me or bid me farewell at school. Maybe because I’m a boy and all my friends were boys? Not sure if that holds true based on hte fanfare my son receives. Was I a dick when I was a kid? Were my friends dicks? Did I actually have friends? Or was I just surrounded by kids who became accustomed to me over the years?

Perhaps it is the school environments they are in. I went to Catholic schools all my life. We were a shirt and tie wearing, standing quietly in line kind of crowd. Not so much a run over and give kids in my class a hug before we walk in the building kind of group. Was my elementary school existence inherently more reserved? Perhaps. Or, and I don’t know why but this one feels like more of a stretch – maybe my kids really are popular?

My younger daughter was recently elected to a leadership position. She was voted to be leader of “The Kitty Crew.” Not quite class president, but for the first grade being voted to be in charge of a recess play group is pretty prestigious. Her election was legit too. When I asked her who she voted for, she didn’t even vote for herself. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – that little peanut is all class.

Earlier when I said “Much to my delight, it seems my kids have had no problem making friends,” I almost typed “much to my surprise.” I don’t know why I was so disappointed with myself that my first reaction would to be surprised that other kids like my kids. But the more I thought about it, it makes sense. The version of my kids that I see everyday is not the same version of my kids that their friends at school get. I see the kids that don’t clean their rooms until we threaten to throw it all in a garbage bag, that fight with each other over who gets to use what color cup, that use all the tape, literally all the tape, that make each other cry simply because they know how to. I see the real them. And yes, sometimes it is surprising that somebody who didn’t create them could be so happy to see them.

Though I suppose I’m glad they take a different, more socially appropriate version of themselves to school. Kids are going to be misbehaving gross little weirdos, and I’d rather they be that way at home than in public. So I don’t know if I’d say my kids are popular, but they are likable, which I think will serve them better in the long run. Popular is fleeting, likability sticks.

Sometimes I wonder if I am raising good people. Not just good kids that listen or eat their carrots, but good people. My wife has gotten the into the habit of doing “Kindness Wednesday”, where they’ll do something nice for somebody. That usually ends up with them getting some kind of treat for their teachers or for me. I’ll absolutely take a latte and a donut, but we’ve started to question if they are really understanding the purpose of doing kind things beyond just buying something for them. Especially since they aren’t spending their own money on it. Yes, gift giving is a good way to show kindness, and might even be their love language, but I also want them to know that their words and actions are just as important for being kind.

I often question if that is sinking in. I know that brothers and sisters will fight, but sometimes they are just flat out jerks to each other. I suppose it’s a small feather in our parental caps that we’ve instilled the lesson that you don’t hit, otherwise I’m shocked they don’t haul off and punch each other in the face more often. Not that I’d condone it, but the way they treat each other sometimes, they’d have it coming. But every once in a while, I get a glimpse of them being genuinely good people. The other day I witnessed what might be my proudest moment as a parent. My kids showed sincere concern, empathy, kindness, and perhaps most importantly, comedic aptitude.

Here’s the scene. Lucy, my oldest daughter, is going to need braces but needed to get an expander first. If you’re unfamiliar with what an expander is, good for you. It is what seems to be a holdover from medieval dental practices in which pieces of metal are put in a child’s mouth to push and form the top of the mouth. I’m told this will create the room needed for her adult teeth to grow in properly. We can use a laser and robot to perform heart surgery, but we’re still solving dental issues by shoving metal into kids’ mouths. What, no leeches for a cavity? C’mon dental world, get with the times. Anyway, getting an expander put in is about as comfortable as it sounds, and of Lucy’s many positive traits, a tolerance for pain (or even mild discomfort really) isn’t one of them.

Between the pain and just not being used to having this contraption in her mouth, for the first few days eating was an absolute nightmare. The novelty of pudding for dinner quickly wore off, and when she was unable to eat tacos (her favorite food) on Taco Tuesday, it was just too much for her. Total meltdown. And I get it, my heart went out to her. Having to sit and watch your family eat your favorite food while trying to muster the fortitude to down some applesauce is an absolutely miserable experience. Unaided by the fact that Evie, her little sister, is very quick to point out all the things on the table that she can’t eat. Again, a small victory that Evie’s passive aggressive feigned ignorance of questioning of “Dad, what will Lucy eat because she can’t have tacos?” wasn’t met with a knuckle sandwich.

Lucy left the table and went into another room to curl up with a blanket and pout. Better to cry alone than watch other people eat tacos. During the rest of dinner I think it really sunk in with Evie and her little brother, Brooks, that their sister wasn’t just in a bad mood (something they are used to dealing with and shrugging off), but genuinely in pain and sad. Right after dinner the younger two went to join their sister in the other room, and after a few minutes I could hear laughter. I looked in on them and saw Evie and Brooks taking pratfalls off a chair to make Lucy laugh. With every thud on the floor and giggle from their faces, I was filled a little more with pride.

Obviously, it was very sweet of them to want to cheer up their sister, but I was also very proud of them using their own brand of humor to do it. They didn’t go in and put on her favorite TV show, they took it up on themselves to deliver the laughs with a live performance. And going right for the physical comedy too. Not any little kid knock-knock jokes or butchered punchlines about why something crossed the road, just timeless, class physical comedy. No audience participation from a kid who can barely talk, just have her sit back and enjoy watching two kids fall down repeatedly. Excellent job reading the room.

They also played to the strengths of their team. I have to say, Evie is legit funny. She has great comedic timing, and not just for a 6 year-old, but for anybody. She knows when to take a beat before saying something, she knows when just a look of side-eye or crooked grin will resonate, and she knows how to deliver a dry, understated line. Hard to call a kid who we still need to remind to put on pants when she’s walking around the house a straight-man, but the potential is there. Especially compared to her partner. Brooks is a 4 year-old boy, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about his sense of humor. Right now his go-to is the word “butt cheeks.” Always good for a laugh. Which, sure, I get it, but he’ll throw it around completely out of context just trying to shoe-horn it into the conversation in an attempt to get a giggle out of it. Like a crappy sitcom character trying to force a catch phrase down your throat. How rude.

Flop by flop, Lucy came out of her funk and ended up eating at least a little. I tried talking to her, reasoning with her, negotiating with her, and medicating her to get her through the pain and discomfort and none of it worked. But I didn’t try falling on my ass. Her little brother and sister had the awareness of her needs and the instincts to solve the problem without overthinking it. The simple brilliance of children. Maybe the next time one of my kids is inconsolable over something (probably something incredibly egregious like their sister using their Play Doh), rather than talking them through it, I’ll just take a header off the front porch. Worth a shot.

Heartwarming as it was, I just hope that this doesn’t become a pattern of behavior. While it is great to have the instincts to cheer somebody up, and it is great to have some comedic chops, I really don’t want to see any of my kids develop into a class clown. My kids are usually the most funny when they aren’t trying to be, or when they are just reacting in the moment and letting their natural personality come out. If falling off a chair to cheer a sibling up turns into fallout of a desk to make the classroom laugh, I’ll have to put the kibosh on that quickly. Maybe read them “The Chris Farley Show” as a bed time story.

But maybe that is just me over thinking it. For now, I’ll enjoy the fact that my kids take care of each other the only way they know how. By falling on their butt cheeks. Ha, butt cheeks.

Fall is the best time of year for many reasons – the sports, the food, the foliage. Also, the fashion. While shorts are for sure better than pants, flannels and hoodies are the much preferred top over the t-shirt. I know many dads do love a good souvineer t-shirt – but avoid that fahsion stereotype and figure out how to utilize layers. None of which involve a tucked in t-shirt.

The Foundation: The Base Layer

When it comes to layering, the base layer is arguably the most critical component. It sits closest to the skin and plays a crucial role in regulating body temperature and wicking away moisture. Thermal underwear, for instance, is specifically designed to trap heat and keep you warm without causing overheating or sweat build-up. This type of base layer acts as the first line of defence against cold air, providing warmth and comfort in even the coldest conditions.

It’s important to choose a material that works well with your body’s natural temperature regulation. I tend to run hot, so a lighter base layer works fine for me. Synthetic fibres, merino wool, and cotton blends are all popular choices for a base layer. Merino wool, in particular, is loved for its softness and ability to retain heat even when wet, making it an excellent choice for outdoor adventures.

Mid-Layer for Insulation

The mid-layer is responsible for insulating your body by trapping the heat generated by your base layer. This layer can be a fleece, wool sweater, or a down jacket depending on how cold the conditions are. The key to selecting the right mid-layer is ensuring it provides adequate insulation without being too bulky.

Fleece is a great lightweight option for everyday activities, while down jackets provide superior warmth for more extreme cold. Wool is another fantastic choice because of its natural ability to insulate and regulate temperature, even in damp conditions. Finding the right balance between these materials will allow you to remain flexible and comfortable, no matter what winter throws your way.

The Outer Layer: Protection Against the Elements

Your outer layer is what shields you from the wind, rain, and snow. This is where waterproof and windproof fabrics come into play. Whether you’re going for a brisk winter walk or heading out for a day of skiing, you need a coat or jacket that protects you from the elements while still allowing your body to breathe.

A well-insulated, breathable jacket will help prevent overheating and moisture build-up, which can quickly make you cold if not properly managed. This article on winter parenting tips suggests looking for outerwear that offers both protection and comfort, especially if you’re planning to spend extended periods outdoors with your children.

Stay Active to Stay Warm

While proper clothing is essential to staying warm, physical activity can also play a major role in beating the winter chill. Whether you’re out for a hike, walking the dog, or simply moving around the house, keeping your body active helps generate heat and maintain circulation. Even light exercises such as stretching or brisk walking can help raise your body temperature when you’re feeling the cold.

If you’re spending more time indoors, try to stay as active as possible. Regular movement not only keeps you warm but also improves your overall well-being during the winter months. Additionally, keeping your home warm and ensuring you have plenty of cosy blankets and warm drinks can help make the colder season more enjoyable. This is where I tend to land most of the time. My ideal cold-weather sport is bowling, but if I am out in the cold, I make sure to dress for it.

The Benefits of Layering for All Winter Activities

Layering is a versatile technique that can be adjusted based on your activity level and the weather conditions. For high-energy activities like running or hiking, you may only need a light base layer and mid-layer to maintain warmth without overheating. However, for slower-paced activities, you might need thicker layers to stay comfortable.

When it comes to keeping warm, preparation is key. Planning your layers and having a variety of materials at hand ensures that you can adapt to changing temperatures. Moreover, by investing in high-quality winter gear, such as thermal wear, you can significantly improve your comfort and ability to withstand even the coldest days.

By mastering the art of layering and selecting the right cold weather wear, you can beat the winter chill with ease. Remember to choose materials that suit your activity level and outdoor conditions. From a snug pair of thermal underwear to a protective outer shell, each layer plays a crucial role in keeping you warm and comfortable throughout the colder months. So, bundle up, stay active, and make the most of this winter season.

Investing in experiences rather than stuff can be one of the most rewarding decisions you make. For some people that means relaxation on a spa or on the golf course, and for some that means going up the side of a mountain. To each their own. The point is to get outside and experience the world. (Along those lines, I highly recommend you read “Die With Zero.”) Whether you’re an outdoor enthusiast or someone looking to embrace new experiences, making the right investments can elevate your adventures and ensure that you make the most of every journey.

Here are some key tips on how to make the best investment in adventure and exploration.

1. Invest in High-Quality Gear

I know I just said to invest in experience over stuff, but sometimes the experience needs stuff. One of the most important aspects of preparing for any adventure is having the right gear. High-quality equipment may seem expensive initially, but it often lasts longer and performs better than cheaper alternatives. Whether you’re hiking, camping, boating, or exploring the wilderness, durable gear will enhance your experience and reduce the risk of mishaps.

For land-based adventures, focus on essential items like sturdy footwear, weather-resistant clothing, and durable backpacks. For water-based explorations, investing in high-quality boating equipment is key. If you’re considering venturing out on the water, it’s worth exploring Sylvan boats for sale. These boats are designed for comfort and performance, making them a smart investment for anyone looking to explore lakes, rivers, or coastal waters.

2. Prioritize Safety and Training

Outdoor safety goes beyond leaving leaves of three be. Adventure often comes with risks, so it’s crucial to invest in both safety gear and proper training. Before embarking on any new activity, consider taking a course or seeking expert guidance. For example, if you’re planning to go rock climbing, make sure you learn the basics of climbing safety and have the right harness and helmet. Similarly, if you’re looking to explore new waters, boating safety courses can equip you with essential knowledge.

Investing in first-aid kits, safety tools, and emergency communication devices can also provide peace of mind and potentially save your life. Having these essentials ensures you’re prepared for the unexpected while enjoying your adventure.

3. Choose Adventures That Match Your Passion

When spending your money in an adventure, it’s important to choose experiences that align with your interests and passions. Adventure is personal, and what excites one person might not appeal to another. Whether you’re drawn to hiking, scuba diving, or long-distance biking, your investment should enhance activities you’re genuinely passionate about. Something like swiming with dolphins or deep sea diving sounds like a watery nightare to me, so I’m not going to spend money on it. However, I’d wouldn’t hesitate to spend money on a hike that visits historical landmarks or locations.

If you’re a crazy person who does like water-based adventures, consider how upgrading your equipment can elevate your experience. For example, a high-quality boat will not only make your explorations more enjoyable but will also open new opportunities to explore harder-to-reach locations.

4. Invest in Experiences, Not Just Equipment

While gear is crucial, adventure is ultimately about the experiences. Allocate part of your budget to travel, guided tours, and other experiences that allow you to explore new places and learn new skills. Whether it’s an overnight camping trip in the mountains or a multi-day boating expedition, investing in well-planned adventures will create memories that last a lifetime.

Additionally, consider investing in trips that take you out of your comfort zone. Adventure and exploration are all about pushing boundaries and discovering new aspects of yourself. A guided wildlife safari, a deep-sea fishing excursion, or even a solo hike in a remote national park can all be worth the investment, as they provide opportunities for personal growth and discovery.

5. Focus on Long-Term Value

When making any investment, it’s important to consider long-term value. Opt for gear, experiences, and activities that will bring you joy not just once, but repeatedly. High-quality boats, for instance, allow you to enjoy numerous water-based adventures over the years. Similarly, investing in multi-use gear like hiking boots or a durable tent ensures you’ll be ready for many future explorations without needing to constantly replace items.

Prioritize adventures and equipment that align with your future goals and aspirations. This ensures that your investment provides continued value, giving you more opportunities for exploration and adventure over time.

Making the best investment in adventure and exploration requires a combination of careful planning, the right gear, and a focus on safety. Whether you’re upgrading your equipment or investing in new experiences, remember that the rewards of adventure extend far beyond the initial cost. By choosing high-quality gear, prioritizing safety, and investing in experiences that align with your passions, you’ll create lasting memories and enrich your life through exploration. With the right investments, your next adventure could be your best one yet.