There are certain things a parent looks forward to from the moment their kids are born – first steps, first words, first Christmas. A few months ago I crossed one of those moments of my parenting list. I showed my kids Back to the Future for the first time. I loved it. They liked it. It was a great family moment. Since then, my wife and I have been showing our kids more of the movies we liked when we were kids and it has brought up a question. Is what we watched appropriate to show kids?
Well, more specifically, is what I watched as a kid appropriate for my kids at their current ages? My oldest daughter in in the 5th grade now, and I remember watching all kinds of great movies at that age. In additional to all of the Back to the Futures probably 50 times each, there were movies like Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Twister, Dumb and Dumber, Tommy Boy, and Speed that I distinctly remember watching at her age. We are talking some all time great movies here, that I would love to have the experience of re-experiencing them with my daughter. My wife does not think that is a good idea.
I get that most of them are PG-13 movies and my daughter is not 13. However, I am a guiding parent, so I think it would be fine. I’ll be there if she gets scared or has a question about something that made sense in the mid-90’s but is completely out of place today. Still, the appropriateness of several movies I want to show my kids has been called in to question. In a way, I see the point. Was I too young to watch Speed when I did? While I absolutely loved (and still love) every minute of that movie, perhaps I was a bit too young to then be going around quoting it. I think quoting Speed may have been the first time I used the F-word. So I get my wife’s concern, but my kids are already picking up their language habits from me, so what are they going to model more – the person they live with every day of their lives whose job it is to mold them into functioning humans, or Keanu Reeves?…You’re right. Keanu and it’s not even close.
Though surely my wife and I can find a sweet spot between all the Disney classics the kids have already watched a thousand times and seeing Dennis Hopper’s head get knocked off. We showed them many of the classic sports movies of our youth – Mighty Ducks, Angels in the Outfield, Little Giants. Too young to appreciate Rocky? Again, I was their age when I watched it, but my wife is hesitant. My daughters love Hallmark movies, so can we show them some of the all time rom-coms? Again, I was my oldest daughter’s age when While You Were Sleeping came out. Though are they too young to appreciate When Harry Met Sally? What about kid appropriate “spooky” movies? The completely G rated Halloween movie options are severely limited. We just showed our kids Casper, and it was fine. I want so badly to show my kids Hocus Pocus. I was in the 3rd grade when that came out. I watched it, loved it, and didn’t have any awkward follow up questions for my parents about a virgin lighting a candle. My wife and I make an effort to be on the same page and coordinated about so much our parenting, but movies for our kids is clearly becoming a disconnect. On the out of control exploding bus that is a life raising kids, I’m Keanu and she’s Alan Ruck. Classic yin and yang.
You know what would help solve this problem? Versions edited for TV. In the era of streaming, we get easy access to the theatrical version of the movie. When I was a kid, I watched a lot of movies on TV that had most of the violence, all the nudity, and all the best swears edited out. I watched Die Hard and heard John McClain drop “melon farmer”, “Mr. Falcon,” or sometimes nothing at all. I watched Major League and heard Dorn urge Vaughn to stride a “guy” out. I had probably watched A Few Good Men ten times before I knew what Jessep really wanted to do with Kaffee’s skull. These are options that don’t exist for my kids. Who would have thought that Disney+ would actually make it harder for me to show my kids family-friendly content?
Ultimately, I know I need to be the gatekeeper for what my kids are exposed to. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there is a lot of crap out there. I also need to not fall into a trap of comparative crappyness. Saying that what they’d see in Ace Ventura would be better than what is out there on Instagram isn’t a reason to show them those movies if they aren’t ready for them. It is a reason to keep them off Instagram even after I think they’d be ready for it. And yes, the times they have a changed. I can’t wait to show my kids Indiana Jones, which is technically PG, but PG ain’t what it used to be. I will freely admit my kids could not handle angels melting dudes’ faces off. And as much as I want to show my kids Pirates of Caribbean, I have to admit that my wife is right and it would probably be nightmare fuel for my kids. After riding the ride at Disney World, my son talked for months about how one of the pirates had cweepy eyes. He had troubles with his R’s, but you get the point.
Of course I also must confront the possibility that my kids just might not be into the same movies I was as a kid. Their interests are their own. I can’t expect my daughters who have already seen more musicals in their life than I have to want to watch Congo. And I know that some of the movies I liked as a kid just don’t hold up to the test of time. I watched Encino Man for the first time in a long time recently. You’ll be shocked to know that a Pauly Shore movie has not aged well. I’m scared to go back and watch Jury Duty and tarnish the memory of what 11 year-old me considered one of the funniest movies of all time. That last sentence pretty much sums it up doesn’t it? The movies that left an impression on me when I was my most impressionable were, in hindsight, perhaps not impressive after all. Oh darn.
