Not all holidays are the same. I get that. I mean, what did you do for Earth Day this year? Have a big President’s Day party did you? There is a hierarchy for sure, and I know exactly where I rank. At least according to my 6 year-old son. Which is to say, dead-ass last.
As I write this, it is two days until Father’s Day, so Mother’s Day was just a few weeks ago. While talking to my kids about what they want to get their mom for Mother’s Day, my son asked me – “They have a day for moms, but not for dads?”
“Actually, they do. It’s Father’s Day.”
“Oh yeah.”
Taking a day to show some gratitude and acknowledge your father – a completely forgettable reason to have a holiday. Lumped right in there with Arbor Day and Flag Day where the only way you know it’s happening is because you see something on Facebook or the news that says “Today is Arbor Day” and your only response is “Oh yeah.” You certainly didn’t plan anything for it and you’re definitely not about to run out and buy any celebratory arbors. I get that my son is 6, so he’s only had a few Father’s Days at this point that he realistically would remember. But, c’mon. It’s not like when I was talking to him about Mother’s Day I had to remind him that the day existed before I fielded the inevitable suggestion of getting mom a scented candle. It was just reflex – oh, of course mom should get a day that we can celebrate her and we should absolutely get her a candle! Duh.
Now, I’m not saying boo-hoo for me. My wife is still going to make me a cake on behalf of the kids, so even if they all forget I can drown my hurt feelings in frosting. Though knowing how much my kids love to celebrate just about anything, it stings a little. These are kids who ask to put sprinkles in their oatmeal to celebrate such momentous occasions as the last day of school before mid-winter break and enjoy themed parties to commemorate a new movie coming out on Disney+. Hawaiian charcuterie night was a big hit when live action Lilo and Stitch hit streaming. Shouldn’t the man who sired them be as much a reason to celebrate as a day off of school or a Disney movie? Actually, when I phrase it like that I can really see their struggle.
Of course I would like to say that every day with kids like mine feels like Father’s Day, and every day my kids have with me as a dad is a holiday. I’d also like the Detroit Tigers to win the World Series and the Lions to win the Super Bowl, and yet here we are. I wonder, is somebody simply holding the status of father a reason to celebrate that person? Father’s Day is still Father’s Day for dead beats. Part of me wants my fatherly recognition to be merit based. Let the quality of gifts my kids get me be an accurate reflection of my fathering for the year. Like an annual review. I’ll lay out my successes and explain why I deserve tickets to a baseball game and a trip to a brewery for dinner and my kids will either confirm or suggest I cook myself some hot dogs and stream Rookie of the Year. Disappointing? Maybe. But I’ll know to step my dad game up next year.
I also think Father’s Day falls in rough place in the schedule, especially in our family. We came out of a two month stretch that had my son’s birthday, my younger daughter’s birthday, Easter, my birthday, my wife’s birthday, and Mother’s Day. My kids are burnt out on thinking of what gifts to buy people. They are also looking ahead a few weeks to 4th of July and my older daughter’s birthday which are in the same week. Father’s Day just gets lost in the shuffle. I think we should reschedule. On one hand, it is a nice time of the year to fire up the grill and make dad cook his own dinner on his special day (which by the way, could you image what hell would be unleashed if on Mother’s Day we replaced going out for brunch with having mom make a lasagna for everybody?), but I think it would do well so push it back to August. Can still enjoy summer activities, dad can grill his own dinner, and is far enough away from the onslaught of the fall and winter holiday season which somehow feels like it starts September 1st.
So with their well of gift ideas run dry and their minds now completely occupied with summer vacation, I understand that picking out a scented candle for their dad isn’t top of mind. And yes, dads like scented candles too. If you’ve got a problem with olfactory ambiance, I don’t know what to tell you other than I feel sorry for you. But I won’t feel sorry for myself. I will enjoy my Father’s Day regardless of how much of an afterthought it is for my kids. Mostly because this year, I’m not even spending Father’s Day with my children.
That’s right, my Father’s Day gift to myself was putting a hundred and fifty miles between me and my kids. They are spending the long weekend at Grandpa’s house. Which is my Father’s Day present to him. No refunds or exchanges. The kids will be back at some point in the afternoon on Father’s Day, so I won’t be completely without them that day, but long enough for their hearts to grow fonder for their dear old dad so they can truly appreciate the day in which we celebrate my successfully impregnating their mother. Yankee Candle has gotta have scent for that. A deep musk.
I Think Therefore I Dad 