Kids say funny stuff. The darnedest things some might say. At any given moment whatever thought bouncing around in their head could bounce our of their mouths. Sometimes on purpose, and sometimes not. The accidental statements are funny. Always entertaining when a kid says something funnier or cuter when they don’t realize what they are saying. But more interesting are the things they say that you can tell they’ve really but some thought into it. Not necessarily because of the thing itself that they said, but because it gives you a window into their thought process.
Multiple times over the last few weeks my four year-old son has informed me that he doesn’t want to go to heaven. What could possibly be going on in that little noggin of his?
The first time he brought it up was shortly after Easter, so I get it. Life, death, Heaven was all very top of mind. Though, if after hearing the Easter story and learning all about resurrection and eternal life and his reaction was – nah, I’ll pass. I’m not sure how much he was paying attention. Full understanding or not, something about talking about heaven has seemed to stick with him, and seemingly not in a positive way. Every time he has brought it up, he is quite adamant that he does not want to go to heaven.
The first couple of times I asked him why, he gave an understandable answer – he likes it here. I get that. His mom is here, his Matchbox cars are here, his sisters are here, his dad is here. Also, in case you are wondering, that is his actual prioritized order for things he wouldn’t want to leave. And I get that. Everything he he knows is here. Heck, 90% of what he knows is in a 5 mile radius around his bedroom. The unknown of the cosmos is scary for adults, let alone for a kid who is scared of the unknown the basement when the lights are off down there.
I let him know that there are people he’ll know in heaven, and they will have stuff to do there to. Not sure he believed me, but I think he got the point that he wouldn’t be alone up there. I assume he pictured being heaven as just sitting on a cloud alone or something. Staring down at all the alive kids happily playing with Hot Wheels. It also dawned on me that when he pictures himself going to heaven, he is picturing his current self there. Not as a future version of himself who has reached a ripe old age. I suppose that kind of projecting is beyond the mental capacity of a four year-old, which makes his not wanting to go heaven more understandable. He still has a whole life to live and he doesn’t want to give that up.
The most recent time he brought it up, once again completely unprompted, he gave a different reason. Heaven will be boring. I didn’t really know what to say to that one. Are there toy cars in heaven? A swimming pool? Disney+? Who’s to say? Granted, I’ve not read the whole thing, but I’m fairly certain there is nothing mentioned in the Bible about everlasting life including bike rides to the park. Does heaven even have a slide? I realize now that these were the questions I should have asked in my grade school religion class.
After he questioned the entertainment and leisure activities available in the great hereafter, he added another reason. A more substantial one. He said he doesn’t want to go to the cross. Clearly he’s still connecting some Easter dots. Dying on a cross = getting to heaven. Apparently he’s really taking the whole “what would Jesus do?” thing to heart. Again, some heady concepts for the mind of a boy still mastering going to the bathroom without assistance. Not sure if it’s worth explaining the concept of crucifixion and salvation at this point, so I think I’ll just keep trying to sell the assumed entertainment value of the afterlife. Maybe I’ll tell him heaven has a Disney World.
But does he really think that the only way to go to heaven is to die on a cross? I mean, he knows that people have died, but he hasn’t known anyone who has died. In his world, people die from off-screen cartoon animal attacks and brutal government sanctioned violence. At least I know he doesn’t think he’s a cartoon. But he does live in a world where crucifixion is more real than cancer, which in a way, I’ll take as a positive.
Real or imagined, clearly death is on his mind. Specifically the terrible suffering of an ancient Roman capital punishment. Say what you want about organized religion, but they’ve really nailed instilling fear of eternal damnation and the guilt of not living in fear of eternal damnation. Anyway, the little guy is clearly working through some heavy concepts, and his reaction is just take a hard pass on all of it. If it is unknown, it’s scary. If its a horrific way to die, it’s scary. If it’s scary, its not for him. Applicable to both roller coasters and and the afterlife.
So beyond being a hype man for what heaven may have to offer, my bigger job is figuring out how to breakdown big time concepts into kid sized (and kid appropriate) chunks. A tall order to be sure. Maybe we’ll start by watching the Lion King. Solid age appropriate death exposure there. Also might want to find a way to explain that crucifixion is no longer the custom. Library might have a book on that. (Note to self about million dollar idea: write children’s book explaining execution.)
Slightly more practically, I should answer his questions and honestly as possible. The rest will come with time. I’m closing in on 40 and just in the last few years have come to begin to understand life, death, and what might happen after. Fingers crossed heaven does have a Disney World, but just in case it doesn’t I’ll help the little guy figure out the meaning of life as we go. And people say this parenting stuff is hard.
I Think Therefore I Dad 