My kids are listening. I don’t mean specifically to me, that would be ridiculous. How would the dishwasher get emptied if I didn’t have to remind them five times? I mean in the sense that they are constantly taking in information, some of it intentionally given to them, and some of it they are just absorbing. As a parent, I can mostly control the intentional stuff. I know what I can and can’t say to them, I know what they watch on TV, what they listen to, and what they learn in school. It has become very clear to me that I cannot control what they absorb on their own, and as they get older they are absorbing more than I thought they did. And wouldn’t you know it, kids absorb the darnedest things, like how the president of the United States treats people with dark skin.
I have my political opinions and my beliefs on good governance and effective use of tax dollars, but that isn’t something I talk about with my kids, or even here for that matter. However, my kids (especially my 9 year-old) are old enough to be at least generally aware of the last presidential election. Which I get. I was her age when Clinton was elected the first time, and I remember the debates on TV and being curious to know who my parents were voting for and who was Ross Perot. This year my daughter asked the same thing. Well, the who am I voting for question, not the Ross Perot question. I told her I voted for Harris, and when she asked why I really didn’t get into much of it. To keep it on her level I said something along the lines of how I think she would do a better job and I trusted her to make good choices. She would follow up with flip side and ask why I don’t want to vote for Trump. Again, I would keep it general with something along the lines of how he treats people and that isn’t how a leader should act. Good answers I thought.
That was the information I could control. Clearly there was more absorbed that I could not. On at least a couple occasions my older daughters would come home from school and say something about kids in their class who said their parents voted for Trump. Based on my highly scientific eyeball test of area yard signs, this is not surprising, and at this point I don’t really care. What was more surprising, or maybe eye-opening is a better word, is when they would come home from school and say something about Trump kicking people out of the country if they have darker skin. My kids were absorbing. I am not sure from where, as I doubt this kind of topic was covered as part of phonics – unless they used raid as the example of a long “a” digraph? More likely, a kid heard a thing on the news or around the house and passed it a long in apparently a much deeper playground discussion than I ever got into in school. Sure the Barry Sanders vs. Emmitt Smith debate could get intense, but nobody got deported over it.
So like a game of telephone, the message got passed down the line from kid to kid getting a little fuzzier around the edges with each retelling, until it reached the point where my 5 year-old son is afraid Trump will kick him out of the country if he gets too tan. Why? Because Trump is kicking darker skinned people out of the country. Pass the SPF 100. And also the constitution. But first the sunscreen. One issue at a time. Specifically, he was asking my wife about getting tan in the Summer, and wondering when he’ll go back to being “bright again.” He doesn’t want to get too dark, lest he be shipped out.
Legal and political accuracy or inaccuracy aside, my son has heard and absorbed enough to form a basic understanding of the situation at hand and applied that to his own life. Which, on one hand is exactly what we want for our kids isn’t? To take in and process information, and then to form their own independent beliefs. Now, I could call into question the reliability of his sources – the messaging passed down from his older sisters – but given the information he had at his disposal and his limited understanding of international politics, I think he pretty much nailed it. Of course on the other hand, of all the things for my son to take in, why does it have to be the racist tendencies of politicians? Sure, I’d like all my kids to be socially aware and consistent voters, but first I’d like them to be more aware of the proper volume to speak at in public and consistent bathers. I wonder if I could infiltrate the playground communication network with rumors that Trump is kicking out kids who don’t shower well enough. Make America lather, rinse, and repeat again.
My son’s fear of being too dark was one opinion he formed and chose to vocalize, but I now wonder what else is rolling around in his head. My kids have asked me many times about why I need to put gas in my truck, perhaps he’s got thoughts on the future of clean energy and the dependence on foreign oil? My daughters know about the war in Ukraine, do they have thoughts on Israel as well? They are starting to spend their own allowance money, so I’m sure they’ll have a take on taxes and tariffs as soon as the price of a squishy ball goes up. Our kids are always paying attention, just not always to things we want them to pay attention to. We can do the best we can to keep what they see and hear as age-appropriate as we can, but we can’t put blinders on them. I want my kids to see what is going on in the world and how it impacts them. Even more so, how it impacts people who aren’t them.
No, my son doesn’t really need to fear getting sent to an El Salvadorian prison for getting tan after a day at the beach. However, he might sit next to somebody in school who legitimately fears for their parents. If what he is hearing now and the opinions he is forming now give him a better sense of understanding and empathy in the future, then I’ll be happy to help him better understand the world he lives in and the people he lives in it with. Parents can’t control all the information our kids take in, but we can do the best we can to help them understand what that information means. Not just for their own good, but for the greater good. That is what separates intelligence from wisdom.
I Think Therefore I Dad 