I think I may have under-estimated my kids. One thing I (and probably a lot of parents) worry about when their kids to go school, is if and how they’ll make friends. Or even worse, if they’ll get picked on. Much to my delight, it seems my kids have had no problem making friends. Whenever I see my kids around other kids, its been a pretty limited and un-natural sample of birthday parties and organized play dates. However, after seeing them in a more natual setting at some school events I now have to ask myself – are my kids popular?
My son Brooks is in pre-school, and they had a “donuts with dad” breakfast. Walking into his school with him felt like I was walking into Cheers with Norm. As soon as we entered the building teachers and other people who worked at the school were thrilled to see him. Which I get, he’s a neat little guy. But these weren’t even his teachers. Pretty sure at no point in my academic career did any teacher who wasn’t my own give me any kind of enthusiastic greeting, or even know my name for that matter. My other brother had a few teachers before I had them, so at most I got a few “Mr. Kose” acknowlegements because they knew we were related, but my son walks down the hall and is getting high-fives all the way like its a basketball team intoduction. “At 3 feet, 6 inches, from NorthPointe Pre-School 4’s – at power forward it’s Brooooooooooooooks!!!!”
Recognition from teachers is one thing, but of course popularity comes from recognition of your peers. The other day while I was picking him up, a little girl ran up and gave him a hug and said bye. If that’s not the definition of popularity, then I don’t know what is.
The same holds true for my daughters. Just this morning while I was dropping them off at school a girl ran up and gave my daughter a hug with an enthusiastic “Hi hi hi!” (Not a typo, there where that many hi’s.) My daughter was neither caught off guard nor taken aback by this up close and personal greeting on a random Wednesday morning. As if it wasn’t actually random at all, but a normal occurrence. I don’t think I’ve ever been greeted with that kind of warmth and enthusiasm by a friend on my birthday, let alone your run of mill weekday. Honestly, if I was I would probably be weirded out by it. But my daughter was not weirded. It was like getting hugged by your peers upon arrival at school was the most natural thing in the world.
I didn’t know that girl, maybe she’s just a hugger, but I do know my girl. Not to say that my girl isn’t the most huggable kid in the world. I give her plenty. But if I wasn’t her dad I don’t think I’d feel compelled to greet her when she entered school with a warm embrace and multiple greetings. I mean, she’s nice, but she’s not Dolly Parton.
This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen this though. Every time I pick up or drop off my kids it seems like somebody is coming over to give them a hug or shouting hi or bye at them from across the parking lot, as if their school day wasn’t complete until the departure of my child is acknowledged. I get that kids are generally much more open and friendly than grown ups, but even for kids this feels a little excessive, does it not? I don’t ever remember anybody going out of their way to greet me or bid me farewell at school. Maybe because I’m a boy and all my friends were boys? Not sure if that holds true based on hte fanfare my son receives. Was I a dick when I was a kid? Were my friends dicks? Did I actually have friends? Or was I just surrounded by kids who became accustomed to me over the years?
Perhaps it is the school environments they are in. I went to Catholic schools all my life. We were a shirt and tie wearing, standing quietly in line kind of crowd. Not so much a run over and give kids in my class a hug before we walk in the building kind of group. Was my elementary school existence inherently more reserved? Perhaps. Or, and I don’t know why but this one feels like more of a stretch – maybe my kids really are popular?
My younger daughter was recently elected to a leadership position. She was voted to be leader of “The Kitty Crew.” Not quite class president, but for the first grade being voted to be in charge of a recess play group is pretty prestigious. Her election was legit too. When I asked her who she voted for, she didn’t even vote for herself. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – that little peanut is all class.
Earlier when I said “Much to my delight, it seems my kids have had no problem making friends,” I almost typed “much to my surprise.” I don’t know why I was so disappointed with myself that my first reaction would to be surprised that other kids like my kids. But the more I thought about it, it makes sense. The version of my kids that I see everyday is not the same version of my kids that their friends at school get. I see the kids that don’t clean their rooms until we threaten to throw it all in a garbage bag, that fight with each other over who gets to use what color cup, that use all the tape, literally all the tape, that make each other cry simply because they know how to. I see the real them. And yes, sometimes it is surprising that somebody who didn’t create them could be so happy to see them.
Though I suppose I’m glad they take a different, more socially appropriate version of themselves to school. Kids are going to be misbehaving gross little weirdos, and I’d rather they be that way at home than in public. So I don’t know if I’d say my kids are popular, but they are likable, which I think will serve them better in the long run. Popular is fleeting, likability sticks.
I Think Therefore I Dad 