My Daughter Quoted Me

It seems like stereotypical dad quotes are never all that positive.

• I’ll give you something to cry about.
• Got time to lean, got time to clean.
• I’m not paying to heat the whole neighborhood.
• Hi hungry, I’m Dad. (This one is extra terrible because it is also a a dad joke.)
• I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.

I try hard not to say any of those, or any other cliche dad quotes. I try to be me, speak how I speak, regardless of my dad status. However, it has now become clear, that even though my cliches may not necessarily be typically dad – they are typically me. I know this, because my daughter recently quoted me back to me.

If there is one thing kids love to do, it’s ask you questions. If there are fifty things kids love to do, they are asking you the same thing fifty more times. Rather than repeatedly giving the same answer, or even slightly changing my answer, a while ago I started replying with, “You asked, and I answered.” Shuts down the repetitive line of question pretty quickly. However, my six year-old turned the tables on me.

I was getting her breakfast ready and I asked her what she wanted on her bagel. She told me, but among the two other kids talking and trying to get everybody’s food ready, I wasn’t sure what she said anymore after about five seconds. “You want strawberry cream cheese?”, I asked her to refresh my memory.

“You asked, and I answered,” she dryly replied.

On one hand – you want this friggin cream cheese or not? On the other – well played kid, well played.

I wasn’t sure how to take it. Was this a sign of disrespect? Throwing my own words back in my face over a clarifying question about schmear? The way she coldly delivered it without any hesitation, how long did she have that in the back pocket just waiting for the opportunity to use it on me? Days? Weeks? Months? Perhaps a year ago or more I could have said it to her and she took umbrage, and she’s been holding a grudge (as she has been known to do) even since. Is this what she was turning over in her head late at night when we could still hear her awake in her bed long after bedtime? If you’ve ever wondered what you’re kids are still doing awake, there is a strong possibility they are plotting.

Or was this a sign of ultimate respect? Is this her sincerest form of flattery? Did she hear that and think, “Wow, that is a great answer to my question and really makes me re-consider how many times I need to repeat the same thing over and over again.” Surely that must be it. Right? Of all the things she’s heard me say, she is sifting through it and pulling out the gems to file them away so she can use them herself at the appropriate moment. One in which she can make her old man proud while making her breakfast. This must be what Neil Diamond feels like when people belt out “Sweet Caroline.” So good. So good. So good.

While it wasn’t (at least I hope it wasn’t) outright mockery, I’m sure it wasn’t wanting to be just like me either. Probably more a realization that I keep saying the same thing, and her bringing it to my attention with just a hint of smart-assness. Either way, it is definitive proof that not only do my kids hear me, but it actually absorbed into their brains. It can be done!

So while she perhaps thought she was being clever by using my own words on me, she was actually giving herself away. If she can have one of my more common comments planted firmly in her memory, then there has to be others. Things like “go to bed” and “be quiet” have to be in there too, right? It can’t be that my response to incessant requests for snacks is the only dad-ism that has resonated. So I wonder, what else is she hanging on to? What is going to be the next phrase of mine she hits me with? Hopefully something profound. Something parental. More likely she’ll hear a song she likes and call it a “Jaaaaaaam,” or pronounce the onion as “own-e-own-e-own.” Which honestly would be a pretty proud moment for me to, but not really the same as some semi-wise words or even marginally useful advice.

Now I wonder if I dispense enough wisdom or advice that my kids think worthy of remembering. At least often enough that it would be hammered home by repetition. Though, to be fair, my kids do stuff that makes remind them I’ve already answer their question than they do that gives me cause to drop some fatherly knowledge. I mean, we’ve already covered “right-tighty, lefty-loosey,” there really isn’t that much more I need to impart on them.

Almost every day when they leave for school I tell them to “have a fun day” and to “be a good friend,” but they haven’t thrown either of those back at me yet. I think those are two pretty good tidbits to hang onto. Having fun everyday and being a good friend will get them pretty far in life. Successfully out of middle school at least. I don’t know if I have any cliches of my own beside those. None that I am aware of anyway. Though perhaps they have become so ingrained in my vocabulary, I don’t even notice them anymore. My mind has completely lost awareness of when I say them. Like when you get used to your own stink until somebody somebody informs you that you smell bad. Was quoting me back to me my daughter’s way of letting me know I stink? Am I now going to be keenly aware of all the things I say, picking and choosing each phrase ever so carefully until I’m not speaking like myself but like a dad character in an Aaron Sorkin show? I don’t think I have the mental energy for that. Or the vocabulary.

I suppose only time will tell what things my kids hear me say end up sticking with them. Some day when they are grown up maybe they’ll sit around talking about all the things I used to say. Little will they know 75% of it is quotes from movies and TV shows they’ve never seen.