My five year-old daughter wasn’t feeling well. In the middle of the night she came into bed with my wife and I. She climbed in, got under the covers and said “Daddy, are Michael Jackson’s brothers alive?” Naturally.
Michael Jackson, and his family, have been a frequent topic of questions from my kids for the better part of the last year. Some are easier – “Is this a Michael Jackson song?” Some are harder – “How did he die?” So far no questions about why he looked, ya know, normal when he was younger and somehow ended up looking like Jack Skellington, but that one just a matter of time I’m sure.
Like everybody else, they were initially drawn to the King of Pop by the music. Smooth Criminal hooked them and it went from there. Even then they weren’t satisfied to just listen to the music, there were questions. Mostly “who is Annie?” and “why is he asking if she’s OK?” I suppose I should be glad that my kids are so interested in the well being of this Annie person. I guess it’s easier for them to enjoy the song if they know for sure that she is in fact OK. A concern for the health and safety of others – a life lesson not often taught by pop music.
Once they realized he made songs as a kid, then they were really interested. Which is understandable. It must be mind blowing for them to realize that a kid like them can make music. And good music at that, not like Kids Bop garbage. Anyway, “How old was he when he sang this song,” became a common one. Which inevitably led to “How old is he now?” Uh-oh.
Not that there is a great time to explain accidental prescription drug overdoses to your children, but I’m pretty sure if a kid can’t yet grasp tying their shoes then opioid addiction is a bit too far. However, I did find a teachable moment. I told them that he died because he took too much medicine. Good way to drive home the point of needing to take medicine when you’re sick, but only the right amount. They got that point, but now had more questions.
Where was he when he died? Who was with him when he died? Were his brothers there too? Who told his brothers? How did his mom find out? What kind of medicine was it? Who gave him the medicine? Did his brothers die too? What’s a Tito?
Whatever happened asking what a PYT is?
I’m curious to see how long this lasts. Is intrigue around celebrity deaths a standard phase of childhood? I don’t remember asking my parents about why John Lennon was dead, or how Yoko found out. Then again I never asked about how Annie was doing either. I guess my kids have more concern for others than I did at that age. So, parenting win for me on that one I guess.
Of course there may come a day when they find out more than Michael Jackson’s family history. Not sure what to do about that one. I’ve got time to get my mind around how to address his alleged transgressions, but even for myself I’ve had plenty of time and still don’t know how I feel about it. Can you separate the man from the art? Whatever he allegedly did doesn’t make Dirty Diana less of a banger, and no matter how great a performer he is doesn’t make him less of a complete and total weirdo.
For me, his legal troubles never took away from my enjoyment of the music, and I think it is possible to divorce the person from the product. OJ being in them doesn’t ruin the Naked Gun movies for me. It’s still fun to watch clips of Mike Tyson knocking guys into next week. And most relevant to fatherhood, Cliff Huxtable is still one of the greatest TV dads of all time. Not to totally bust open that can worms, but can we agree that we can punish Bill Cosby without erasing a great character and great show? I say put it on streaming somewhere and give the residuals he would receive to a victim’s charity. Now we’re healing the world, making it a better place, and enjoying some of the best terrible sweaters of all time.
Either way, we’ll still listen to Michael Jackson and I’ll field the questions with as much information that is appropriate at the time. Maybe we’ll sit down and watch The Jacksons: An American Dream next family movie night. Plus, who know knows, maybe this is just a phase and by the time they’ll be old enough to understand they won’t be interested in his music anymore. Maybe the next time they ask about his family I use that as an opportunity to pivot to Janet. For a couple years there, it was hard to tell them apart anyway – looking at you Scream music video.
I understand that I am the gatekeeper for what my kids see, hear, read. At least until they get more influence from other kids at school. And honestly, I’d rather they listen to excellent music made by a terrible person than terrible music made by a saint. Lately, my seven year-old has somehow started to sing the lyrics “a b c d e f u”, of which I know she didn’t hear in my or my wife’s presence. I’ll take my kid singing collection of he-HEs and shamoans over that any day even if he did do it. Allegedly.
So perhaps that is the lesson. Don’t worry about the kinds of people who are making the music, the movies, the TV shows. Worry about the kind of people actually interacting with my child. If the ghost of Michael Jackson somehow finds its way into my kid’s classroom, then I’ll worry. Until then, turn up the Billy Jean. Until I have to explain allegations of fathering a child with a groupie….so…maybe we turn up Man in the Mirror instead. Good plan.
I Think Therefore I Dad 