My three-year old son has a lot of stereotypical little boy tendencies. He likes looking at big trucks. He likes to play with cars. He’ll walk up to you and randomly punch you in the leg. Not to be pigeon holed into traditionally assigned gender-based interests, he also enjoys the aesthetic of having freshly painted toe nails.
For over a year now, any time his older sisters are getting their nails painted, he insists on getting his pained too. At first it was just him not wanting to be left out of something his sisters were getting. To help him feel included, my wife would paint one of his big toes. He would look at it. He was proud of it. He was happy to have it. Over the last few months, he’s become less pleased with only having one pained nail, and I’m pretty sure its not just the inclusion he enjoys. I believe he genuinely likes how he looks with a full compliment of pretty toes.
At first, the sight of my little guy with one pink toenail was odd, as was the idea that I had a little boy with one pink toenail. The visual quickly became the norm. To be fair, as an adorable toddler, there isn’t much that doesn’t make him look cute. Pink toenails, giant uni-brow, prehensile tail, wouldn’t matter. That handsome little pudgeball could pull it off. The idea on the other hand, is something I’m not sure what to do with.
I’m not not locked into some antiquated way of thinking that says a boy can’t do this or has to do that. If my my son wants to get his toenails painted once a month and it makes him happy, then good on him. Who am I to ruin the happiness off a three-year old? But what about the happiness of a nine-year old? How long does this last? How does this play out?
His sisters have already dressed him up in tutus and princess dresses. He doesn’t seem to mind (I have pictures of course, so I guess we’ll see how much he minds when I show those to people when he’s older). Again, he’s just happy to be included in playing dress up with them. His hair isn’t long enough to really do anything to, but his sisters have put various clips in his hair, he likes it. On one such occasion, he walked up to me with two of those kinds of hair clips that kids inevitably clamp on their lips and said, “I’m pretty.” Yes buddy. Yes you are.
As I’ve previously discussed, dad is not pretty. If my son is developing the self-confidence to believe that he’s pretty, then good for him. But like I said, how does this play out? Will being the guy with painted toenails become his thing? Will he be a trendsetter in men’s fashion? Or will he be a middle schooler who gets made fun of because his toenails are orange and middle school kids are the worst?
Another possibility is me or my wife putting a stop to it. I can’t help but think that would make me a bad parent. My kid’s happiness is all that matters, right? Or would gently nudging him in the direction of having normal, ugly, man feet ultimately be protecting him. And isn’t protecting my kids all that matters? I’d like to think I’d let him do whatever makes him happy. Be that having pretty toenails, a handlebar mustache, maybe both at the same time. As long has he’s got the confidence to pull it off. So maybe that’s all that matters – helping my son feel confident.
If playing with trucks helps build his confidence in playing with other kids, then I’ll buy him all the Tonkas. If hitting a baseball helps him feel confident in his abilities, then I’ll throw him batting practice until my arm falls off. If having his toenails painted makes him feel confident in his appearance, then I’ll get him a Caboodle filled with all the colors of the rainbow. Its hard to know if you’re parenting right, but if my son turns out to be a guy with beautifully painted toes and an expertly trimmed handlebar mustache which he rocks confidently as hell – I’ll know I did something right.
I Think Therefore I Dad 